I have a better life than most I think. But at the same time, if I were to have to become a 'normal citizen', I would sink into a grave depression and probably try to gill myself again. Is that a typo? It's actually another story I plan to save for another day on this forum so yeah. As I grow older and everyday continuously is the same, it drives me rather insane. It is mind boggling to me how these people do it everyday and don't question it. Especially with the way things are. Like right now, I know I'm not suited for the American way of life so to speak. I look at what I wanted when I was younger, and how I would have had to conformed to 'that' way of life and it does make me wonder if it would have been worth it? Doubt it. Guess I still do when times get tough but I know it's essentially not a possibility so I've learned to distract myself with other things. Metaphoric white people man, make me more mentally ill than I already am. They are like doing background searches on me and stuff like that. Was talking about this elsewhere, but I'm growing restless. Restless of this town, restless of the inactivity, and just essentially sick of alot of things. Figure I can call my shots from the West Coast if I can make it out there. Hopefully before the Winter hits with my plans that are a big 'if' on alot of levels. Alot of amazing things have been happening lately though. Like 'God' or whatever has been listening to my thoughts or 'prayers' if you want to call them that. Now, I am Agnostic so I don't mean to get all theistic but it's just been weird. Like everything is essentially lining up like fate is real or something. I mean I am The Battle Scarred Conquistador and all that. So I truly believe that it is my destiny to wander the streets of the 'City Of Angels' for the rest of my life. Yeah I have a little cash saved up, but I would want more to feel secure so I could get situated and all that. Maybe I would come back to Westerville one day. Maybe not. Nevertheless, it is illegal to sleep in your car in LA I think so I'd have to figure that one out. I'd probably get all emotional though to be honest if everything went to plan and I made it back after four years since the big adventure that made it onto the album. Oh well, I'm just going to play it by ear. If everything continues to go the way it is, I have a chance and that's all that matters. Yes I'm posting the piano version because I like it better than the original sometimes.
